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04 Ağustos 2023, 23:08
Thank you all who have been reading and following along. I always appreciate getting feedback. It helps with becoming a better writer and it's always an ego boost, so feel free to reach out. I will always respond!
The usual spiel: This isn't a stroke story, (more porn with plot.) Be warned, it's very long. 33 chapters, and many sexless ones to come before it gets sexy, which is why it was originally published under novels/novellas, but readers asked for it to be put under gay male due to content, so here we go.
This book is dedicated to all of the brave service members and their families who sacrifice so much every day so that the rest of us can enjoy the liberties that they swear to protect 0and uphold.
Although references in this novel may be made to actual places or events, the names, characters, incidents, and locations within are complete works of fiction. They are not a resemblance to actual living or dead persons, businesses, or events. Any similarity is coincidental. In an effort to do the United States Army justice, and to show my respect to my country, I have applied all possible efforts to merge fact and fiction to entertain, while portraying the military, and the hardships and achievements of soldiers, with respect, dignity and accuracy to the best of my abilities. It's my hope that I've done you all justice, and that all of the creative licenses taken with this novel are understood to be the efforts of imagination, and not any judgment or disrespect against the U.S. military. Thank you all for your service.
***
The secret to getting away with lying, is believing with all your heart; that goes for lying to yourself even moreso than lying to another.
?Elizabeth Bear
Sometimes being guided by a moral compass was a pain in the ass. Had mine pointed more south, I wouldn't have found myself standing outside the community center where Ben's support meeting was being held, trying to work up the courage to go inside. I'd be at home, hiding behind my original plan of avoidance with my youngest niece and a Disney marathon. Ben wasn't expecting me tonight, so the fact that Emma had fallen asleep on the couch before the first movie had even begun shouldn't have made me feel I'd be lying to him by staying at home. Shit happened and plans changed all the time. I didn't owe him anything.
I'd been able to fly that argument for exactly three minutes before I texted Ben to let him know I was coming after Adelyn got home. The smiley icon Ben had texted back before sending me the community center's address had made telling the truth worth it. At least until I got out of the car and looked up at the plain brick building guarded by a chain link fence and some town mandated trees. From the outside, the community center looked innocent enough. Four walls. A roof. A floor. Not a place that would suck me in and spit me out incoherent and dejected. But I knew better. Checking my phone and seeing another text from Ben saying that he was glad I'd chosen to give the group a chance, was all that made me walk through the front door instead of bolting back to the car.
Inside the lights were on in strategic patterns, no doubt leading me to the main meeting area like a trail of cookie crumbs. I knew what happened to Hansel and Gretel in that story, so I was in no rush to reach the doors at the end. As I wandered down the hall, I set the timer on my cell phone to go off in twenty minutes. If I needed to flee the group before then, I'd have to come up with another excuse.
A mural against the far wall caught my attention. Pictures had been cut into various shapes to create a cluster that formed a massive photo puzzle.
Benjamin Santiago's face peered at me from a group shot with a bunch of kids at some kind of fair. In another picture, dressed in formal black, complete with collar, he presided over a baptism. In one shot after the next he appeared, always exuding confidence and that easy smile. My favorite was the photo of him wearing a giant buffalo chicken hat at a barbecue festival with a group of teenagers.
"Sam."
Startled, I glanced up to see Ben standing a few feet away. It made me feel off kilter that he'd snuck up without me hearing him. I was off my game, and seeing him in the flesh wasn't helping matters any.
Tonight he was in dark-wash jeans and a black tee shirt. His outfit was lightened only by his white collar. He was a blend of professional and casual, done up in a package that made the long neglected parts of my body take notice even quicker than they'd dismissed Max earlier.
"Hey." Not my finest line ever, but at least I wasn't in the middle of a panic attack, or in an Basmane Escort (https://www.pompaci.net/izmir/basmane) alcohol induced stupor.
"Hi. I'm glad you made it. I thought you said you were going to hang out with Emma tonight."
"That was the plan, but she fell asleep and I didn't have anything else to do."
"You could've kept that to yourself and I'd never have known otherwise. Thanks for being honest with me, Sam."
I shrugged, fidgeting when Ben flashed me a genuinely happy smile. "Lying to a priest isn't kosher."
"Is that the only reason you came?"
"I've told you before that talking about myself isn't my thing."
A slow quirk to his mouth was the reward for my deliberate obtuseness.
"Whatever the reason, I'm glad you're here. Let's go meet the gang. You came on a good night. Almost everybody was able to make it."
And that was how I found myself standing in the middle of a room holding Ben's hand, just like Emma had predicted at the funeral. I wasn't sure where the hand holding had come in?before or after my inclination to run?but nine sets of eyes stared back at me. There was no hostility, only curiosity on their faces, but I still tensed.
I'd known that listening to Ben was a bad idea, but the man's smile was lethal. Just one, and you swore you could do anything? like face down a roomful of civilians you couldn't shoot to make your life easier. Add in the solid warmth of his hand wrapped around mine, and I was a goner.
"Hey, everybody. Say hello to Sam. Sam, this is everybody. We have nametags but don't usually wear them in here. Maybe we can just go around the room and quickly introduce ourselves."
Ben smiled like it was the greatest idea and one hand went up. It was attached to a slim wrist that jingled from the army of bangle bracelets around her arm. I recognized Tara's white fedora before I did her face.
"Hey, Sam. Father Ben caught you, too? He should be named Peter, for all the fish he reels in."
Beside me, Ben snorted. I grinned. "Yeah, it went something like that. I'm sorry to intrude."
"You're not intruding. We haven't even gotten started. Have a seat."
The invitation came from a man about my age with more salt than pepper in his hair. He gestured to the two empty seats beside him. I didn't accept the invitation, not sure if I was coming or going yet.
"Sam." Ben voice was soft, and I realized he hadn't let go of my hand. I focused on the warmth of his palm as I met his encouraging gaze. "Just join us. You don't have to talk today if you don't feel like it."
"Come on, soldier boy. We only eat newbies on their second session," Tara said.
Varying levels of laughter encouraged me to the seat beside Ben. His face immediately creased into a smile.
"Ok, so you know Tara. That's Hank. Then we have Veronica..." He continued on with the introductions, but I only heard half of it. I was focusing on the sudden surge of my heart rate.
I closed my eyes and forced a slow breath, trying to convince myself that the panic attack would subside. When I opened them again, Tara was looking right at me from her spot across from me. She was the only one. The rest of the group was listening to Hank, who was telling a story about the loss of his son. It was touching, heartfelt, and I couldn't stand a word of it.
I was set to run when Tara inclined her head slightly toward the door. My eyes narrowed in confusion, but I caught on when she got up and headed for the door.
My legs felt wooden when I stood and glanced over at Ben. His subtle nod gave me permission to follow her. The moment I got outside, I felt like I could breathe again.
"Feeling better?" Tara smiled. "You looked like you needed a Calgon moment."
"Sorry. I wasn't expecting that many people."
"Because you think you're the only one with issues?"
I stiffened. "I didn't mean to offend anyone, Ma'am."
Tara waved a dismissive hand. "I'm impossible to offend unless you call me Ma'am again. I get why you ran. It's not easy going through the seven stages of grief, especially the real first stage no one talks about?being a self-centered wuss." Her hand touched my arm when my jaw twitched. "But better a wuss afraid to face his feelings, than an asshole who wallows in self-pity. Believe me, I know. I was said asshole." Her expression gentled. "You look like you need to recharge. There's a good diner across the street."
"Thanks but?"
"You're totally not interested in women. I know, and that's perfect, because I'm feeding you greasy spoon fare, not my girl parts."
Her am looped through mine before I could continue my protest. Basmane Escort Bayan (https://www.pompaci.net/izmir/basmane) "You don't know your ass from your elbow right now, handsome. Consider this your first official intervention."
She grinned as I allowed her to lead me like a toy duck on a string. "C'mon. I told you I don't eat people, but that can always change if I don't get a burger soon."
* * *
After Tara turned the waitress away from our table for the second time because I hadn't made up my mind about my order, I set the menu down. "What's good here?"
"Are you a vegan or anything else that may hinder my enjoyment of a slab of still mooing cow?"
I grinned before I caught myself. "No. Burgers are fine with me."
"Perfect." She flagged the waitress down with the ease of someone who was familiar with the routine. "Two 'Black
The usual spiel: This isn't a stroke story, (more porn with plot.) Be warned, it's very long. 33 chapters, and many sexless ones to come before it gets sexy, which is why it was originally published under novels/novellas, but readers asked for it to be put under gay male due to content, so here we go.
This book is dedicated to all of the brave service members and their families who sacrifice so much every day so that the rest of us can enjoy the liberties that they swear to protect 0and uphold.
Although references in this novel may be made to actual places or events, the names, characters, incidents, and locations within are complete works of fiction. They are not a resemblance to actual living or dead persons, businesses, or events. Any similarity is coincidental. In an effort to do the United States Army justice, and to show my respect to my country, I have applied all possible efforts to merge fact and fiction to entertain, while portraying the military, and the hardships and achievements of soldiers, with respect, dignity and accuracy to the best of my abilities. It's my hope that I've done you all justice, and that all of the creative licenses taken with this novel are understood to be the efforts of imagination, and not any judgment or disrespect against the U.S. military. Thank you all for your service.
***
The secret to getting away with lying, is believing with all your heart; that goes for lying to yourself even moreso than lying to another.
?Elizabeth Bear
Sometimes being guided by a moral compass was a pain in the ass. Had mine pointed more south, I wouldn't have found myself standing outside the community center where Ben's support meeting was being held, trying to work up the courage to go inside. I'd be at home, hiding behind my original plan of avoidance with my youngest niece and a Disney marathon. Ben wasn't expecting me tonight, so the fact that Emma had fallen asleep on the couch before the first movie had even begun shouldn't have made me feel I'd be lying to him by staying at home. Shit happened and plans changed all the time. I didn't owe him anything.
I'd been able to fly that argument for exactly three minutes before I texted Ben to let him know I was coming after Adelyn got home. The smiley icon Ben had texted back before sending me the community center's address had made telling the truth worth it. At least until I got out of the car and looked up at the plain brick building guarded by a chain link fence and some town mandated trees. From the outside, the community center looked innocent enough. Four walls. A roof. A floor. Not a place that would suck me in and spit me out incoherent and dejected. But I knew better. Checking my phone and seeing another text from Ben saying that he was glad I'd chosen to give the group a chance, was all that made me walk through the front door instead of bolting back to the car.
Inside the lights were on in strategic patterns, no doubt leading me to the main meeting area like a trail of cookie crumbs. I knew what happened to Hansel and Gretel in that story, so I was in no rush to reach the doors at the end. As I wandered down the hall, I set the timer on my cell phone to go off in twenty minutes. If I needed to flee the group before then, I'd have to come up with another excuse.
A mural against the far wall caught my attention. Pictures had been cut into various shapes to create a cluster that formed a massive photo puzzle.
Benjamin Santiago's face peered at me from a group shot with a bunch of kids at some kind of fair. In another picture, dressed in formal black, complete with collar, he presided over a baptism. In one shot after the next he appeared, always exuding confidence and that easy smile. My favorite was the photo of him wearing a giant buffalo chicken hat at a barbecue festival with a group of teenagers.
"Sam."
Startled, I glanced up to see Ben standing a few feet away. It made me feel off kilter that he'd snuck up without me hearing him. I was off my game, and seeing him in the flesh wasn't helping matters any.
Tonight he was in dark-wash jeans and a black tee shirt. His outfit was lightened only by his white collar. He was a blend of professional and casual, done up in a package that made the long neglected parts of my body take notice even quicker than they'd dismissed Max earlier.
"Hey." Not my finest line ever, but at least I wasn't in the middle of a panic attack, or in an Basmane Escort (https://www.pompaci.net/izmir/basmane) alcohol induced stupor.
"Hi. I'm glad you made it. I thought you said you were going to hang out with Emma tonight."
"That was the plan, but she fell asleep and I didn't have anything else to do."
"You could've kept that to yourself and I'd never have known otherwise. Thanks for being honest with me, Sam."
I shrugged, fidgeting when Ben flashed me a genuinely happy smile. "Lying to a priest isn't kosher."
"Is that the only reason you came?"
"I've told you before that talking about myself isn't my thing."
A slow quirk to his mouth was the reward for my deliberate obtuseness.
"Whatever the reason, I'm glad you're here. Let's go meet the gang. You came on a good night. Almost everybody was able to make it."
And that was how I found myself standing in the middle of a room holding Ben's hand, just like Emma had predicted at the funeral. I wasn't sure where the hand holding had come in?before or after my inclination to run?but nine sets of eyes stared back at me. There was no hostility, only curiosity on their faces, but I still tensed.
I'd known that listening to Ben was a bad idea, but the man's smile was lethal. Just one, and you swore you could do anything? like face down a roomful of civilians you couldn't shoot to make your life easier. Add in the solid warmth of his hand wrapped around mine, and I was a goner.
"Hey, everybody. Say hello to Sam. Sam, this is everybody. We have nametags but don't usually wear them in here. Maybe we can just go around the room and quickly introduce ourselves."
Ben smiled like it was the greatest idea and one hand went up. It was attached to a slim wrist that jingled from the army of bangle bracelets around her arm. I recognized Tara's white fedora before I did her face.
"Hey, Sam. Father Ben caught you, too? He should be named Peter, for all the fish he reels in."
Beside me, Ben snorted. I grinned. "Yeah, it went something like that. I'm sorry to intrude."
"You're not intruding. We haven't even gotten started. Have a seat."
The invitation came from a man about my age with more salt than pepper in his hair. He gestured to the two empty seats beside him. I didn't accept the invitation, not sure if I was coming or going yet.
"Sam." Ben voice was soft, and I realized he hadn't let go of my hand. I focused on the warmth of his palm as I met his encouraging gaze. "Just join us. You don't have to talk today if you don't feel like it."
"Come on, soldier boy. We only eat newbies on their second session," Tara said.
Varying levels of laughter encouraged me to the seat beside Ben. His face immediately creased into a smile.
"Ok, so you know Tara. That's Hank. Then we have Veronica..." He continued on with the introductions, but I only heard half of it. I was focusing on the sudden surge of my heart rate.
I closed my eyes and forced a slow breath, trying to convince myself that the panic attack would subside. When I opened them again, Tara was looking right at me from her spot across from me. She was the only one. The rest of the group was listening to Hank, who was telling a story about the loss of his son. It was touching, heartfelt, and I couldn't stand a word of it.
I was set to run when Tara inclined her head slightly toward the door. My eyes narrowed in confusion, but I caught on when she got up and headed for the door.
My legs felt wooden when I stood and glanced over at Ben. His subtle nod gave me permission to follow her. The moment I got outside, I felt like I could breathe again.
"Feeling better?" Tara smiled. "You looked like you needed a Calgon moment."
"Sorry. I wasn't expecting that many people."
"Because you think you're the only one with issues?"
I stiffened. "I didn't mean to offend anyone, Ma'am."
Tara waved a dismissive hand. "I'm impossible to offend unless you call me Ma'am again. I get why you ran. It's not easy going through the seven stages of grief, especially the real first stage no one talks about?being a self-centered wuss." Her hand touched my arm when my jaw twitched. "But better a wuss afraid to face his feelings, than an asshole who wallows in self-pity. Believe me, I know. I was said asshole." Her expression gentled. "You look like you need to recharge. There's a good diner across the street."
"Thanks but?"
"You're totally not interested in women. I know, and that's perfect, because I'm feeding you greasy spoon fare, not my girl parts."
Her am looped through mine before I could continue my protest. Basmane Escort Bayan (https://www.pompaci.net/izmir/basmane) "You don't know your ass from your elbow right now, handsome. Consider this your first official intervention."
She grinned as I allowed her to lead me like a toy duck on a string. "C'mon. I told you I don't eat people, but that can always change if I don't get a burger soon."
* * *
After Tara turned the waitress away from our table for the second time because I hadn't made up my mind about my order, I set the menu down. "What's good here?"
"Are you a vegan or anything else that may hinder my enjoyment of a slab of still mooing cow?"
I grinned before I caught myself. "No. Burgers are fine with me."
"Perfect." She flagged the waitress down with the ease of someone who was familiar with the routine. "Two 'Black