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21 Kasım 2023, 17:27
This story is a real departure for me -- it's a commission.
I was contacted via private feedback by Literotica user AzureAsh who had admired my writing (yay!) and who had a request.
He'd published one story before and had an idea for another but thought his characters would come across better through my voice. He had imagined two flawed siblings with specific problems in their lives and an end goal for them -- the journey he left up to me.
Ash, I hope you like it my friend. I've tried to stay true to your creations and I hope the Tim and Dawn you find here are the ones that lived in your mind for so long.
This is a gentler story than my usual ones, there is less overt sex, but I think it's a worthy read regardless.
Apologies in advance to any cricket fans who may read this, let's just say I did my best as a novice!
Writing another person's creations was a stretch, but ultimately a worthwhile one, I think. As always full credit goes to my editor no1Uno for making my scribblings intelligible.
Enjoy, feedback appreciated as always.
All characters over 18.
"Tim, did you drink all the milk?" Dawn Fraser shouted from in front of the fridge.
"Sorry Dawn. I was up late chatting on the Star Wars forum last night. I made hot chocolate. It was about the Mandalorian's armour".
Tim was suddenly embarrassed, realising his sister did not need an explanation. She needed milk.
He gave up drying his hair and pulled on a white shirt.
All his shirts were white.
"Are you having cereal?" he asked.
"No, I'm having egg fu yung for breakfast dummy. I just wanted to appreciate the exquisite design of the new three litre milk carton! Oh, you're impossible!"
She was getting mad now.
"If we leave early, I will buy you breakfast on the way to work," he offered, not sure how to calm her down.
This always happened. He never wanted to hurt or anger her, but he kept doing it by mistake.
Then he was lost and often made things worse while trying to help.
Today though, it worked.
Sort of.
"Ok but I want a bagel with cream cheese, smoked salmon, avocado and a drizzle of lemon coulis. To drink I want a Triple Venti, Half Sweet, Non-Fat, Caramel Macchiato.
"Come on Dawn, you're not even trying now. The food truck opposite Starbucks does that sandwich and that's my third favourite coffee!"
Tim knew if she was really mad her breakfast order would have been impossible.
She didn't laugh much ... his day was complete if she ever did ... but he had learned that other things were like laughter for her.
A simple breakfast order for one.
They were ok today.
He jumped on the food app on his phone and heard the ping that confirmed it would be ready in ten minutes.
Fully dressed now, he was waiting at the front door for his older sister.
Dawn always dressed in a very classy manner, long pencil skirts and stylish jackets. It suited her tall, willowy frame.
Tim thought she was too thin but as with most things in life, she was committed to her exercise regime 100%.
He knew that the endless workouts were a good therapy for her depression, so he supported her in doing it. Maybe he could get her to eat more, put some flesh back on her bones again.
He remembered when they were younger -- her 16 or so, him 12 -- she had been a little overweight. Only a few kilos and he thought she was beautiful. But there was teasing and bullying at school about it. She didn't have any friends, so it was hard to fight back. He knew her depression was genetic, not her fault.
But he always thought of that time as being a trigger for so much of what had happened since.
Then she came into the kitchen ... a vision in azure blue, her grey eyes like smoky ash.
"Ok, let's go. Are we having lunch together today?" she asked.
"I have my review meeting this afternoon, I want to use my lunch break to get ready if that's ok," Tim replied.
"You are wise beyond your years, Padawan," she responded.
Wow, she never used Star Wars references. Had he forgotten something? Was it her birthday?
No, his phone would remind him of things like that. She was just in a good mood, and now so was he.
She set the alarm and locked the apartment door behind them. It was her place.
She'd bought it four years before when she was 22. When she first got a job with the investment banking arm of Friedkin
I was contacted via private feedback by Literotica user AzureAsh who had admired my writing (yay!) and who had a request.
He'd published one story before and had an idea for another but thought his characters would come across better through my voice. He had imagined two flawed siblings with specific problems in their lives and an end goal for them -- the journey he left up to me.
Ash, I hope you like it my friend. I've tried to stay true to your creations and I hope the Tim and Dawn you find here are the ones that lived in your mind for so long.
This is a gentler story than my usual ones, there is less overt sex, but I think it's a worthy read regardless.
Apologies in advance to any cricket fans who may read this, let's just say I did my best as a novice!
Writing another person's creations was a stretch, but ultimately a worthwhile one, I think. As always full credit goes to my editor no1Uno for making my scribblings intelligible.
Enjoy, feedback appreciated as always.
All characters over 18.
"Tim, did you drink all the milk?" Dawn Fraser shouted from in front of the fridge.
"Sorry Dawn. I was up late chatting on the Star Wars forum last night. I made hot chocolate. It was about the Mandalorian's armour".
Tim was suddenly embarrassed, realising his sister did not need an explanation. She needed milk.
He gave up drying his hair and pulled on a white shirt.
All his shirts were white.
"Are you having cereal?" he asked.
"No, I'm having egg fu yung for breakfast dummy. I just wanted to appreciate the exquisite design of the new three litre milk carton! Oh, you're impossible!"
She was getting mad now.
"If we leave early, I will buy you breakfast on the way to work," he offered, not sure how to calm her down.
This always happened. He never wanted to hurt or anger her, but he kept doing it by mistake.
Then he was lost and often made things worse while trying to help.
Today though, it worked.
Sort of.
"Ok but I want a bagel with cream cheese, smoked salmon, avocado and a drizzle of lemon coulis. To drink I want a Triple Venti, Half Sweet, Non-Fat, Caramel Macchiato.
"Come on Dawn, you're not even trying now. The food truck opposite Starbucks does that sandwich and that's my third favourite coffee!"
Tim knew if she was really mad her breakfast order would have been impossible.
She didn't laugh much ... his day was complete if she ever did ... but he had learned that other things were like laughter for her.
A simple breakfast order for one.
They were ok today.
He jumped on the food app on his phone and heard the ping that confirmed it would be ready in ten minutes.
Fully dressed now, he was waiting at the front door for his older sister.
Dawn always dressed in a very classy manner, long pencil skirts and stylish jackets. It suited her tall, willowy frame.
Tim thought she was too thin but as with most things in life, she was committed to her exercise regime 100%.
He knew that the endless workouts were a good therapy for her depression, so he supported her in doing it. Maybe he could get her to eat more, put some flesh back on her bones again.
He remembered when they were younger -- her 16 or so, him 12 -- she had been a little overweight. Only a few kilos and he thought she was beautiful. But there was teasing and bullying at school about it. She didn't have any friends, so it was hard to fight back. He knew her depression was genetic, not her fault.
But he always thought of that time as being a trigger for so much of what had happened since.
Then she came into the kitchen ... a vision in azure blue, her grey eyes like smoky ash.
"Ok, let's go. Are we having lunch together today?" she asked.
"I have my review meeting this afternoon, I want to use my lunch break to get ready if that's ok," Tim replied.
"You are wise beyond your years, Padawan," she responded.
Wow, she never used Star Wars references. Had he forgotten something? Was it her birthday?
No, his phone would remind him of things like that. She was just in a good mood, and now so was he.
She set the alarm and locked the apartment door behind them. It was her place.
She'd bought it four years before when she was 22. When she first got a job with the investment banking arm of Friedkin