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02 Temmuz 2022, 13:47
It was several hours later that I finally plucked up the courage to call Sam back. Philip had gone for a walk, 'to clear his head' he had said. He promised he would not be long but it gave me the chance to speak with her undisturbed. My head was still aching, even though the lump had diminished considerably and I went to the cupboard for some more painkillers. I smiled sadly to myself when I realised that he had removed the Tramadol, leaving just one half used foil tray containing only four caplets, he was taking no chances after last night's stupidity. Two were enough though and, having taken them with my coffee, I picked up my phone and selected the recent calls list, my thumb hovering over Sam's name. When I finally let it fall the phone dialled immediately. ?Hello, Anna.? An oh so familiar voice. ?Hi Penny,? I replied almost mechanically, metaphorically kicking myself for losing my nerve at the last moment. ?How are things? I have been worried sick waiting to hear from you.? I paused, wondering how to begin. ?Anna?? she persisted, ?How are you?? ?Crap, Penny,? I answered her truthfully, no longer trying to find nice words, ?Absolutely crap!? ?No surprises there then but first, importantly, how's the head?? ?Still hurts like hell but the lump is going down now. It's really black now.? I touched it absent-mindedly and winced. ?Well, apparently, a lump is a good thing,? she tried to sound upbeat. ?It means the bleeding is on the surface and not inside your head.? ?Uhuh,? I replied, nodding even though she could not see me. ?All right, go on, what about you yourself, what are you going to do and where is Philip?? Again, I waited before answering her. ?He is out walking,? I said. ?So what has he said? Will he get over it and stay?? ?I don't know, if I am truthful, Penny. He says so but I can see the hurt in him. He tries so hard but he is struggling. I don't think I could have hurt him any more if I had physically stabbed him. The truth is, I betrayed him...? There was silence but for the pounding etimesgut escort (http://kadinguzelligi.com/ad-category/etimesgut-escort/) of my heart rushing the blood past my eardrums. ?So what will you do?? she asked eventually. ?I thought of a solution last night but Philip stopped me.? More silence and then, ?Anna! You don't mean... surely!? ?I wanted to die, Penny. Wouldn't that solve everything?? ?Oh my good Lord...? I heard the fear in her voice. ?No, it bloody well wouldn't!? Another pause... ?I'm coming over!? ?Penny no! You can't!? I was talking to myself, she had hung up. Oh Hell, what now? Philip would go mad at her if he got back and found her here. He already blamed her for allowing us to meet at her house. I frantically called her back. ?Hi, this is Penny...? I waited for the tone. ?Penny, please! Don't come over! Philip will be furious...? My voice trailed off. She wouldn't listen, why did I have to be so damned stupid sometimes? Oh, who was I kidding, I was stupid all the time! I couldn't call Sam now, Penny only lived a few minutes away and now she was worried she would be here in no time. Boy, I sure knew how to complicate things.I figured I had better ring Sam before Penny arrived so I quickly found her number. ?Hi Anna.? ?Hi Sam,? I replied, ?I have to tell you something but I don't have much time.? ?Go on...? I could almost see her frowning as she spoke. ?It's about Philip, he knows.? ?Yes, I know,? she replied unexpectedly. ?You know?? I gasped, ?But how could you possibly...?? ?You told me he wanted to meet me didn't you? That I had to pretend we were just friends?? ?Oh, oh yes, I see what you mean.? I couldn't think, now of how to break it to her but what worse, just by talking with her, my resolve was failing already. ?So... Is that why you phoned? To arrange a date and time?? ?Erm... Yes, well, no, I...? At that moment the doorbell chimed and was immediately followed by urgent knocking, hammering almost. ?Oh, look, Sam, I... I have to go. Someone at the door. I'll call you back.? I hit eryaman escort (http://kadinguzelligi.com/ad-category/eryaman-escort/) 'end call' before Sam could reply. My hand was shaking so much that It took two attempts. ?Anna! Anna! Open the door!? Penny shouted urgently through the letterbox. Dragging myself upright I headed towards her voice. ?I'm coming Penny, hang on,? I called as I approached.?Oh my Good Lord, look at the state of you!? she gasped as I pulled the door open to let her in. There was nothing to say and I just stood, silent as she entered and threw he arms around me. After a moment, she stepped back and kicked the front door shut behind her. ?Anna...? she began slowly, her eyes narrowed and her brow furrowed, ?Did Philip...?? My eyes opened wide as I prevented the words from even leaving her lips. ?Penny! No! How could you think such a thing?? ?I'm sorry but look at you. Your face is black and blue. That is not just door frame damage!? I gave a thin, wry smile ?Hmm, no, it isn't, you're right. I also fell on the bus yesterday when the driver accelerated before I had found a seat.? ?Oh for Pete's sake, Anna!? she shook her head slowly, ?What am I going to do with you?? There was no answer to that particular question although I could think of many possibilities that I was deserving of but Penny was a true friend and I knew that whatever the outcome would be, she at least would be there for me. ?Come on,? she said, taking my arm and guiding me gently back towards the kitchen, ?Let's get the weight off.?We sat as we always did, face to face across the kitchen table. I didn't offer her coffee and she didn't ask for one, we just looked at each other in silence. Penny was the one who finally broke it. ?All those years ago, when you took care of me after... well, you know.? I nodded as she went on, ?I would never have imagined that I would, one day, do the same for you.? I shrugged and hung my head. ?But this is not the same, Penny...? I whispered. ?How so?? she asked. ?You didn't deserve what happened sincan escort (http://kadinguzelligi.com/ad-category/sincan-escort/) to you, you weren't the cause.? She frowned. ?I'm sorry, I don't follow you.? ?You were the victim, Penny. Your husband broke your heart. I am responsible for everything that has happened. I am the miserable cow that has done this to Philip and yes, to Sam, what your husband did to you and I can't change that!? Penny immediately jumped up and sat beside me, putting her arm around me and soothing me. There were no tears now, though. I think I was beyond that. I felt numb and lost and, for the first time in my life, I was not in control. ?You are nothing like him, Anna. You followed your heart when it led you astray and you are in this state now because you are sorry, because you know what you have done. He didn't even care what he did to me.? Deep down I knew she was right but it didn't make it any easier to bear. My whole life had come crashing down overnight taking with it everything I held dear. I took a deep breath and sat upright. ?I have to make amends, to do what is right...? Penny didn't reply but let me go on. Instead, I just slumped forwards again with a sigh. ?I can't, can I?? I whispered. ?I can't put it right. What I have done can't be put right.? Her face softened. ?Well, I agree there will always be scars but that is true of any wound. What you have to do is work now to heal the rift.? ?How, Penny. Exactly how do I do that?? I stared hard at her, silently begging her for an answer but none was forthcoming. Instead, she simply asked, ?Do you love Philip?? ?Of course I do,? I replied. ?How much do you love him, Anna. Enough to give up Sam?? I paused and then, ?Yes, I... I... well... Damn it, yes!? She looked at me long and hard, staring into my eyes, her gaze boring deep into my soul. I couldn't stand it and dropped my head, breaking the intense contact she had created. Now I began to doubt myself. I had paused when the answer once would have flowed without a thought. ?Your attraction to Sam is that strong?? Penny asked and I nodded slowly. Last night it was obvious to me, end it with Sam and begin to rebuild my life with Philip but as soon as I had heard her voice at the other end of the line, suddenly it didn't seem so easy any more, something had snapped inside of me that could destroy me.