How to Wage a Wargasm

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Monday, April 22nd, 2013, 6:00 p.m.



"GOOD EVENING, MY LOVELY LADIES AND GENTS!!" Sandy shouted. "HOW'S EVERYBODY DOIN', HUH?!"

The crowd cheered loud.

"Y'ALL READY TO HAVE ONE HELL OF A TIME TONIGHT?!" she continued.

The crowd cheered louder.

"GODDAMN RIGHT YOU ARE!!" she hollered. "I'M SANDRA BURTON, YOU ALL KNOW ME, AND MY GORGEOUS HUBBY LOU. SO WELCOME TO THE FETISH BUFFET?COURTESY OF BURTON PRODUCTIONS?GIRLS' NIGHT!!"

The crowd cheered loudest.

"Although," proceeded Sandy, bringing the volume down a notch. "While it may be Girls' Night, this is gonna be one big, big treat for you gents as well!"

BDSM filmmakers Sandra and Lou Burton had invited a hundred of their closest friends to share this special Monday. They were hosting one of their semi-regular gatherings in the massive, ambience-permeated basement/studio. Several cameras were mounted about the room, pointing towards center stage, where Sandy addressed the audience. Lou, the cinematographer, operated the tripod by the door. As with many an occasion, he was dressed in his powder blue tux. Sandra was dolled in a lovely leather bustier with ankle-length boots and fingerless gloves. Her makeup was flawless, her hair teased up, lightly floating down her back. Her lips were stuck deep red with manicured nails to match. Much of the audience was already turned on by her appearance.

"That being said, we're in for a big night! No point in beating around the bush?wink wink. So let's get on with it!" She held up each finger of one hand except the pinkie.

"My friends, we have not one, not two, not three, but four?count 'em, FOUR?lovely ladies featured this evening! That's two married couples we're presenting tonight!"

The audience whooped appreciatively.

"Ya ready to meet 'em?" asked Sandy.

They responded with a collective, "YEAH," but Sandy pretended she didn't really hear.

"Sorry, what was that??" she demanded, cupping a hand to her ear.

The crowd upped the enthusiasm and volume. "YEAH!"

Sandy still wasn't satisfied. "Come on, people, make me believe it!" she shouted.

"YEAH!!"

Sandy finally nodded. "Oh, all right." She turned towards the basement door, which Lou opened. "Ladies!" she hollered.

Four young lasses wandered to center stage amid eager applause, harboring a more or less mutual modicum of timidness. They passed out shy smiles and waves. Per Sandra's instructions, they were dressed in their own everyday outfits, though they felt just a bit plain next to the atom-bombshell Sandy'd turned herself into.

"All right, girls, now do please speak up so everyone can hear," said Sandy, gesturing to the girl nearest her. "And your name, my friend?"

"Uh, L?" The first participant cleared her throat. "LEYNA," she stated loudly. "Leyna Phelps." Leyna was 31, with blonde hair and modest but expressive green eyes. She wore a blue dress just a shade darker than Lou's tux, a matching bracelet, and black shoes which were technically heels, though virtually flats. A businesswoman who dressed for success, she was the most formally dolled-up of the four. The audience gave her her own small round of applause, making her clasp her paws and smile.

"Well, brilliant to meet you, Leyna," replied Sandy. "And what do you do?"

"I am a financial planner."

"Oh, so you're a savvy business type," said Sandy. "Terrific. And you've with you...?"

"Oh! Yes." Leyna linked arms with the girl beside her. "My bride, and the light of my life, Cyndi Phelps. Best Mrs. Fix-It there is. Most wonderful handy-woman in the city."

The audience gave Cyndi an identical cheer, as the Phelpses X'd and O'd. Cyndi was the same age as her wife, with neck-length dirty-blonde hair and brown eyes. She was clad in a red and white plaid button-up, faded jeans, striped socks and hush puppies.

"Yay!" said Sandy. "Well a'right, let's hear it for our first couple, Leyna and Cyndi!"

More applause. Sandra turned to the other pair. "And you?" she asked, offering a hand.

"Hi!" said the third girl, a bubbly 30-year-old with fluffy, bangy light brown hair and dark blue eyes. She wore a multicolored T, overalls, rainbow-y sandals and a giant friendly smile. "My name's Judy Flanders, and, I entertain at kids' birthday parties. I'm a clown."

"Oh-ho-ho, really?" Sandy chuckled. "Well, I think you'll be pretty entertaining here this evening. Although this particular event's anything but suitable for kids."

Judy giggled. "Oh, and this is my beautiful wife Samantha Blume. She didn't wanna change her name, and I would've taken hers, but, uh..."

"...That would've made you Judy Blume."

"Precisely," laughed Judy.

"Cool, fantastic. So, Samantha?"

"Sam," the last girl modified. "Just Sam." She was the oldest of the lot at 32. Her eyes were a sharp tint of green. Her hair was short, dark and spiky, draping her forehead, with a pronounced streak Küçükyalı escort bayan of violet. Apparel-wise, she looked most like Sandy, in a black leather jacket and boots. She had on a worn, faded skull-and-crossbones shirt under the jacket. She described her profession simply. "Singer-songwriter and musician."

"Yeah, she's kind of a lady of few words," Judy explained. "But that's okay; I do more than enough yappity-yapping for the both of us."

"Excellent!" exclaimed Sandy. "Well, welcome, all the four of you! Now along me to ask, if I may: has any of you done any work in the fields of BDSM, or adult films?"

Looking a bit timidly at each other, each shook her head.

"Ooh, then this'll be extra fun!" said Sandy. "Don't you worry, though; we'll go easy on ya." She turned to the audience. "Four newbies! Four cubs have found their way into our cave, ladies and gentlemen. One more hand for our new victims?er, virgins!"

She'd made this little slip of the tongue intentionally. She turned back to the quartet of virgin cubs, with a deceptively benevolent smile.

"Now, before our festivities officially get underway, I've a little something additional to present," Sandra announced to the crowd. "This is a special evening. Does anyone happen to know what today might be?" she asked with a hint of naughtiness.

"Earth Day!" someone in the crowd shouted, prompting titters. Sandy laughed along.

"Well, yes, yes, that's correct; it is Earth Day. But aside from that fascinating observance, there is another occasion that fell on today, many, many years ago." She spun on her heels, to the side of the room where her husband was rolling.

"Louis! If you would, please, darling?"

He would. Lou took a step towards the door. Above the doorway was a long roll, held by four pushpins. No one had noticed until Lou approached it, stood on tiptoe and removed two of the pins. Fast at the top corners by the other two, he let it flamboyantly unfurl.

The audience and girls on stage let out some exhilarated applause. The poster was that of a 30-something-year-old Bettie Page, in her 1950s heydays, decked in her classic S