Just Another Anime Parody Pt. 01

Disclaimer: All characters in this story are of at least the proper 18 years of age.

*****

Out in the cold dark reaches of space a moderate sized yet compact spacecraft was slowly drifting through the seemingly endless void. The mission debrief given to the two occupants of the ship was quite clear, travel to each planet listed and document any possible forms of life as the pilot and co-pilot were talking amongst themselves to pass the time while scouting for the next planet on their list.

"Oh come on, are you actually fucking serious right now?"

"Yes. Look, you can't sit there and honestly say with a straight face that a girl with a nice ass is better than a girl with a nice pair of tits."

"Uh, actually I can. Because a girl with a nice ass is way more attractive because it's been scientifically proven they are more fuckable, besides what really matters is where exactly do you put your dick in? The two desired holes are down south of the woman's equator, not anywhere up north smart guy. Case closed."

"Uh, no. Case not closed, you can fuck tits too dumbass."

"But on the contrary, you're not actually fucking them numb nuts."

"I'd rather have numb nuts then my breath be smelling like pure ass like yours."

"Man whatever, all this talk about butts is making me hungry."

"Knowing you I bet it would."

"Up yours asshole,"

The ship pilot snickered to himself before he suddenly gasped in shock to see his co-pilot pull out an actual bean burrito from his bag.

"What the hell is that!?!"

"A spicy cheesesy bean burrito with extra beef and sour cream, you know I love eating from El Taco Guapo."

"I know what it is dipshit, I'm saying you can't eat solid food out in space, it's dangerous!"

"Oh yeah, says who?"

"Says the fucking pilot of this spaceship, now give me that thing!" The pilot demanded reaching over to try and take the burrito away much to his friend's annoyance.

"Hey, back off! I paid 20 bucks for this thing and I'm eating it!"

"Not on my ship, get fucking rid of it!"

While the two men started squabbling over such a trivial matter they failed to notice a sudden rippling effect around the ship right before a vibrant wormhole materialized seemingly out of nowhere pulling the spacecraft into it's awaiting maw. The two men screamed in fear as the ship was flying through space and time at a rapidly accelerating rate.

"Mark, I don't think this was supposed to happen! And if we are about to die, I need to tell you something, you were my best friend ever!"

"Phil that means so much to me man! You're my best friend too! I love you man!"

"...Uh, also. One more thing, I need to tell you..."

"T-Tell me anything! Tell me what?"

"...I fucked your wife and she gave me crabs! Which means you may have crabs too!"

"WHAT!?!"

*static*

*static*

*static*

...End of transmission...

Modern day:

"Everyone! Run! Run for your lives!"

"She's coming!"

"Run while you still can!"

A series of collective screams echoed through the halls of the highschool as a crowd of students flooded the halls all running away from a possible danger...unfortunately the so called "threat" everyone was so afraid of just so happened to be, well...me. And before you even bother asking no, I'm not a brain eating zombie, a man eating werewolf, a blood thirsty vampire, or some other cheesy horror movie cliché.

Nope, I'm just a normal everyday girl...with an abnormally bad body order and overall hygiene. Oh god this is embarrassing...but it's my life story so...here goes I guess. First off I just want to say for the record I'm nowhere near ugly, at least in my opinion, I'm not. Admittedly being an irish stereotype in a nutshell having long straight bright orange hair long enough to end at my waist, deep piercing emerald green eyes, and a cluster of freckles on both my cheeks...um, both kinds if you are wondering.

...Oh, you weren't?...Uh, shit. Forget I said that then. Moving on!

Anyway, despite my looks in my rather...potent smell that created my so called "reputation" of being the terror of Lincoln Heights High. Just one whiff of me and I could clear out an entire classroom full of people like it was borderline tear gas which you have no idea how embarrassing that feels. And what made things worse is that it's been like this for as long as I can remember and now I'm a 19 year old highschool girl in her final senior year and my reputation still hasn't changed since. And it's not like I haven't tried to fix it either!

Before my freshman year I actually tested my theory during the summer and apparently I would smell even worse without the 3 to 4 baths I would take a day and 3 to 4 times I'd brush my teeth. The one Sunday I didn't take a bath or brush I simply stepped outside in the afternoon and several birds fell to the ground at my feet. I was actually utterly speechless, on one hand my stench was so powerful it can act as a tranquilizer but on the other Ataşehir Escort hand it was borderline lethal even. And for another pleasant surprise I was going through the process of puberty thus the debut of the short coarse tufts of orange hair growing out of my gross smelly and sweaty pits and a nice wooly orange bush just growing over my pussy, thus marking my journey into womanhood...just great.

And just my luck shaving those areas didn't seem to be an option, I would get done shaving them with the closest thing I could find to a handheld lawn mower and an hour later the foul smelling hair would grow back fully like nothing happened! If only trees grew back that fast for fuck's sakes! Anyway trying to tame the locks under my arms was a fair challenge I admit, so was the excessive bathing and brushing my teeth too. But the one, absolutely unforgivably embarrasing thing about myself is the sinful cruel joke my own stomach plays on me unleashing the most horrible tear jerking smells from the deepest, darkest depths of my butt.

The literal bane of my existence for it was the one body part that I had the most conflicting feelings about. On one hand it was pretty decent sized and somewhat curvy along with wide enough hips to accommodate it like a freshly picked plump peach which was a huge plus for wearing tight jeans and booty shorts if I wanna look extra sexy some days, but on the other hand it made my body look almost fully pear shaped despite having decent c-cup breasts making me slightly self conscious and the fact that it was the equivalent of a ticking time bomb constantly resetting it's countdown after every sudden explosion made loving my own butt even harder.

"Oh but Lotte, your body is absolutely wonderful. You should be proud to be in your own skin." My mother would always tell me.

I was thankful to have a family who loved and supported me no matter what, even if they have gone noseblind from living with me for so long. Even my brother Dakota even gives me nicknames like "skunk butt" and referring to my ass as the next atomic bomb, even pretending to flinch every time I face it in his direction saying I better watch where I aim it before it suddenly goes off. As many times I would love to just punch his teeth in for his comments just one time I know he means well and is just chasitizing me to help me build a thicker skin so I can deal with other people calling me names over my personal hygiene problems.

Lucky for me, no one was left in the halls to laugh at me over the matter, perhaps they finally realized how powerful my smell was and now know best not to mess with me. Ha! Listen to me, talking like being smelly is some sort of superpower, if it was that would probably be the lamest thing ever! That would be totally ridiculous!...Right?

Meanwhile, in the cold dark reaches of space:

A massive spaceship that rivaled any ideal mothership in science fiction movies was slowly entering the milky way galaxy making its way towards the 9 planets closest to the giant eternal burning star. 9 specific planets meant 9 distinct targets each having potential of possible conquest which a high tech alien probe was soon dispatched to each target planet, the probe targeting Earth would taking on the illusion of a flaming comet due to entering the atmosphere at top speed crash landing with a thundering boom in a forest clearing a short distance away from civilization.

"...System Activation...25%...50%...75%...100%...Begin Primary Program." The distinctly grey phallic shaped probe announced before several spiny spider-like robot legs emerged granting the machine mobility as it began venturing towards civilization.

-Ring! Ring! Ring!-

It was finally lunch time at school and I was downright starving, for some reason I always did have a rather large appetite for a girl my size even giving my old man a run for his money everytime we go out to eat able to clean 2 plates for every one plate he would finish. As embarrassing as that would be I actually take that as a form of pride, able to put grown men to shame by a woman like me was something to be proud of in my family at least. But enough talking about food, it was time to finally dig in!

I sat my bag on the table pulling out my sacked lunch, I usually prepared my own lunches because I couldn't stand the slop they called food served in the mess hall but today I was running a bit late this morning so Mom was nice enough to pack my lunch which was a simple couple of my favorite egg salad sandwiches, some chips, and a fruit salad for good measure.

"You're the best Mom." I say before quickly biting into my sandwich happily chewing.

It wasn't long before I inhaled about 3 of the sandwiches before I felt a sudden disturbance in the force, a soft gurgle would emit from my stomach before I finally realized from the familiar taste what the sandwiches were laced with.

"...G-G-Garlic?.." I said in sheer shock and disbelief that Mom must've forgot what happened last time I had garlic.

*Guuurgle*

And I could Kadıköy Escort feel it too, it was already happening and it was too late to prevent it from happening as I could feel my stomach start to bloat a bit pushing up against my baby blue sweater and lightly stretching the purple panties I was wearing under my black skirt.

"Oh no...oh god please, not here, not now." I whispered to myself crossing my arms over my swelling middle to try and ease the growing tension inside.

Thankfully I had a table all to myself but knowing how much garlic could possibly be in those sandwiches the blast radius would be much bigger than a single table, I bit my bottom lip and crossed my legs letting my striped blue and white knee socks rub against each other as I swing my legs forward lightly kicking the bottom side of my table with my muddy boots trying to hold back what was coming. As if there was a sense of premonition in the air several students looked over in my direction well aware of the horror that was already brewing in my belly which suddenly expanded again stretching the elastic of my skirt making it whine in pain.

"Everyone! Look out, she's gonna blow!" One of the jocks from the athlete's table suddenly yelled before he and several others flipped their table to form a makeshift barricade as several students did the same hiding behind them to endure the blast zone.

My freckled cheeks were glowing bright pink for they were right to do so, I could feel my own butt cheeks clenched tightly as my puckered asshole started to rumble. The floodgates wouldn't be able to hold this one back as I leaned forward waiting for the moment this gas baby to be born!

*...Pfffft*

A light and soft toot emitted from my butt as the pressure started to subside...was that it? Huh, I guess that wasn't so bad-

*KA-BOOOOM!*

The entire lunch room was now filled with a colossal gas cloud erupting from my ass as the green haze tainted the air with it's foul smelling odor that was a powerful mix of rotten eggs and tons of garlic, several girls screamed as their eyes watered from the sheer stench as several boys had their senses overwhelmed falling to the floor completely unconscious. I simply sat in the middle of the chaos watching the aftermath of my infamous ass striking yet again, it was so unbelievably embarrassing that I felt more ashamed than usual gathering my belongings before darting out the cafeteria doors undoubtedly unleashing the stink onto the unsuspecting students occupying the halls as more screams and sounds of gagging filled the putrid air.

Bursting out the back doors of the school I ran to the only place I can hide after stinking bombing the entire school again, deep in the woods where a nice looking small forest clearing could be found I should toss my backpack to the ground before sitting down leaning my back against a tree. A couple of tears would roll down my face knowing once they finally recover everyone will be talking about her behind her back like always, and there was nothing she could really do to stop them.

"...Why? Why me?" I would ask looking up at the trees above before burying my face in my hands to hide my crying.

I was so lost in my crying I didn't even notice the weird phallic shaped probe stalking me from a nearby cluster of bushes. It was scanning me, comparing me to the already existing information in its database. My hair color, my skin tone, my freckles, and most importantly the nose burning light yet smokey green haze that surrounded my body...was a perfect match. The alien space probe let out a sudden confirmating *beep-beep* to it's assessment grabbing my attention.

"...Hello? Is...Is someone there?" I called out looking around the area in silent fear I was actually followed this time.

With the information acquired the alien probe started uploading it's findings to it's sole creators having to retract it's robotic appendages laying motionless on the ground in the bushes, I started looking around the bushes hoping nowhere was actually sneaking around only to find the weird phallic shaped object easily mistaking it as someone's old discarded dildo.

"What the fuck? Gross, how could someone just leave this here of all places?" I say actually daring to picking it up admittedly admiring the futuristic space chrome design silently.

Despite how bizarre it would look using a lost discarded dildo I just couldn't help myself, for some odd reason I do get a bit aroused sometimes after a booty blowout like that. But I swear I'm not into public humiliation or anything!

"...Gross and disgusting girls like me deserves to be punished with gross sex toys like this, maybe this will plug up my ass so it won't embarrass me anymore!" I suddenly shouted with tears still running down my cheeks before quickly pulling down my underwear and spreading my lower cheeks with one hand finally plunging the phallic dildo looking probe deep into my puckered asshole.

A cold shiver of unexpected pleasure run up my spine making my legs twitch a bit as the cold Ümraniye Escort metal tingled inside my anal walls effectively silencing the smelly menace trapping the trail of stink within. Looking over my shoulder I could see only half the long metal rod was inside yet I didn't dare try to shove the rest of it in for I felt I hit my limit already not having much experience with anal...or any experience really. Yeah, go ahead and laugh, smelly girl can't get a single fucking date let alone fucking boyfriend. I stopped trying anyway, so I guess this was the next best thing.

"...Huh, I guess an anal plug would be useful after all." I'd say before testing the quality of the dildo by jumping up and down clapping my freckled asscheeks around the metal rod hearing them softly clap around it as it stayed perfectly in place like a butt plug should.

After pulling up my underwear letting the fabric cover the rest of the dildo which looked like a huge bulge under my skirt I looked down at my watch to see it was only a quarter before 1, a whole 2 hours before school was officially over for the day yet I felt it was time to call it a day. Grabbing my bag off the floor I started walking down a forest path that lead to the sidewalk just a couple of blocks from home, as I walked home a couple of other seniors who were skipping school all day started to laugh and snicker upon seeing the dildo bulge in my skirt that lifted the fabric exposing my underwear and the phallic metal rod it was hiding.

As usual I ignored their whispering comments and taunting glares as I sped up my walking pace to get home faster. Once finally home I quickly kicked the front door closed behind me not expecting anyone else home for hours, climbing up the stairs and entering the safety of my bedroom I tossed my bag to the floor before landing face down on my bed emotionally tired from another hard day of being a senior fart monster. I was emotionally tired, but not exactly exhausted enough to fall asleep yet.

Pulling down my underwear and throwing them to the side I pull out my laptop computer and simply pull up one of my saved searches on an anime porn site, a magical mage girl in a fantasy RPG like setting was facing several giant green pig faced orc creatures who quickly proved to be much more powerful able to pin her down with ease ripping off her pink panties exposing her puffy pink lower lips before each orc took turns ramming their massive smelly crud covered cocks into her fucking her without mercy.

"Mmm...fuck, yes." I couldn't help but moan watching the erotic sight as a pair of fingers slowly traveled south grazing the bush of orange hair between my legs rubbing against my moist pussy lips.

Before I knew it I had watched several porn clips and was face down in the elevated doggy style position against my pillow screaming loudly rapidly shoving the metal phallic rod in and out of my ass, the puckered asshole felt like it was on fire from how fast I was pleasuring myself. Drool was running down my chin as my drenched pussy lips made my hands sleek coating the metal rod in my warm yet slightly rank juices before finally-

"Ah! Ahh! Ahhhh! I'm cumming!" I screamed aloud before my pussy erupted like a volcano soaking my bed sheets as my lower body twitched uncontrollably before finally collapsing and I was out cold passed out in the same doggy style position snoring lightly.

Minutes later the phallic shaped probe would start wiggling inside my ass sprouting it's robotic spider legs again to gain some leverage trying to pry itself out of the vice grip my asshole had around it, a couple attempts of pulling the probe was released with a loud -pop!- as it was coated in juices but still functioned quickly skittering to the headboard of the bed activating it's camera lens to take a quick picture of me to send to its creators as well.

Onboard the alien mothership a full sized image of me in my bedroom was displayed on several hologram monitors, a wide sharp toothed grin of a smile appeared on the face of the ship's head captain.

"Look's like we finally found her, after all these years...I suppose we should be sending a rescue team to recover her...but where's the fun in that?...Send in two infantry scouts instead, I do believe this may be the planet her highness has been searching ages for."

The next day:

I woke up that morning yawning aloud, only to wince to my own special brand of intense morning breath that will take a couple mouthfuls of mouthwash to bring down to my usual standard of bad. Regardless I was happy it was finally the weekend and nothing could possibly ruin my Saturday, I walked downstairs to see Mom in the kitchen cooking breakfast and Dakota helping her set the table.

Dakota was basically a total geek trapped inside an athlete's body having a nice slim and fit yet somewhat muscular physique being the prized star member of our high school's track and field team but enjoyed playing video games and watching anime television shows just as much, and despite being my little brother he has way surpassed me in height making me feel much shorter than I really am much to my utter annoyance. And to add more wood to the flame he even dared to call me "squirt" and "shorty" on several occasions, the very same nicknames I used to call him when he was smaller than me!